stutter ,,

[lily evans]

Cold winter air hit Lily’s face, as she pulled back the door of the shrieking shack and headed out across the small stone pathway, that led back to Hogsmede village and then Hogwarts. Her pace was quick, as she tried to get away from the shack, and away from what had happened last night. It was wrong what had happened, and she should not have given in that easily. It was only going to cause her misery over the next couple of days, as James leered to her about it, her friends got excited about the potential relationship between her and James and perhaps worse of all Severus found out. Their relationship was already hanging by a thread, and Lily knew that this, her and James would be the last straw and she would loose Severus forever. Though she knew that their split was inevitable, with his desire to join the death eaters. Lily had been putting it off, hoping that maybe their friendship would blossom again and he would see sense and stop the foolish desire to be a part of the death eaters. Though with this news, of her and James spending the night together in a sleeping-bag, Lily knew she would not be able to fool him any longer, into thinking that she still saw James as the arrogant toad, she had always claimed he was. Severus knew her to well, to not realised that she was finally beginning to have feelings for James Potter.

The realisation, made Lily feel a little queasy. Falling for James Potter was the last thing she had thought she would ever do. In-fact she had insisted to just about anybody who would listen, that she would rather marry the giant squid, than James Potter. Though this year, he had changed so much, and Lily had begun to see him in a different light. She saw him as James Potter, the loyal friend who took in Sirius when he escaped from his terrible home life. She saw him as James Potter, the hero, who would save anybody, even somebody he claimed to hate. And she saw him as James Potter, the man who would forever love her, no matter what happened to them. And seeing these things in him, Lily found it had to deny the fact that he was a good man and a man she could possible love. Though even with this realisation, her pride still stood in her way and made her feel like even though she wanted to give it a go with James, that it was still the wrong thing to do. Even though all the evidence pointed to the contrary.

Reaching the gates, Lily pulled out her wand uttered the code “No ghost or ghoul got me” that made the lock on the gates slither open, like a snake and allowed her entry back into the castle grounds. Once in Lily -without much thought- headed for the quiditch pitch, not wanting to enter the castle again and face the reality of what had happened last night. Instead she wanted to put it off a little longer, and maybe consider how she was going to tell Severus about what had happened last night. For even though Lily knew she did not owe him an explanation, she could not bare the idea of somebody else telling him what had happened last night. It was the last thing she wanted, and even though it would pain her to do, and to see his face. Lily knew it was something that she had to do, or felt like she had to. So as she settled herself in one of the many stands that on looked the pitch, she withdrew a piece of parchment from her bag, and began to write him an owl! Though even with the best of intentions, Lily could not put the words down, because she honestly did not know what to put down. After-all, how sure was she on her feelings on James? Part of her felt like last night was a huge mistake. But the other half…it felt like it best thing she had done in her life, and she wanted to do it again. Her mind was torn, but even still she knew she had to be the one to tell Severus. So she forced her fears aside, and simple wrote. Severus, please meet me as soon as possible, I need to talk to you, love Lily. before she folded the note up, and enchanted to fly straight to Severus Snape.

closed.

[lucius malfoy]

it wasn't odd for lucius to spend time at the quidditch pitch. he liked the sport and was on the team too. but the games hadn't begun yet, he just liked spending time here. it was where he gathered his mind and cleared his head. for example when he didn't knew exactly what he felt towards narcissa perhaps. and today was one of those days. october was a month of sadness and new hope in lucius' opinion. it was cold and vert refreshing.

right now he sat down at the quidditchpitch just inhaling some of the fresh air when something came in his direction. a flying paper. lucius grabbed it, opened it and read it. lucius sighed and shook his head. he had been right all along. he had to talk to the dear severus when he came back in the common room. he looked for the source of it and found lily standing in a corner. lucius had to confront her. this was just bloody wrong. why was she friends with severus? well, lucius didn't care who lily was friends with. she was a bloody muggleborn. a mudblood and that was what disgusted lucius. he couldn't waste his time on them.

lucius walked over towards her. "interesting note i found evans. the only thing that bothers me about it why you are friends with a pureblood from the slytherin house? i don't believe him. what does he see in you?" lucius said with disgust in his voice. if there was something he couldn't stand it was redheads and muggleborns. and lily just happened to be both. "you should leave him alone. he never talked about you." lucius said and looked at her waiting for a response.

[lily evans]

Lily did not watch the note flutter away, for she wasto preoccupied with what she was going to say, to concentrate on watching the note flutter away. Her mind dwelled on how she was going to tell Severus, what exactly happened last night. She had already knew she was just going to tell him truth, not how much she knew he might hurt him. Lily knew that she just had to be frank with him, and tell him that she had spend the night with James! Quickly followed by telling him, that nothing happened. Yet if he asked if she had wanted something to, Lily was not sure how she would reply. Her mind was so torn over her feelings for James, that she was not sure if she wanted to upset Severus over knowing. Though at the same time, she did not want to give him false hope that she was still completely oblivious to his charms. Lily knew, she would just have to answer it has honestly as she could, and tell Severus once and for all, that she was not sure of her feelings for James.

Her heart sank, as she pictured his face. She had seen it before, every time she had let him down or he had seen her with James. It always pained her to see that face, because it reminded her so much of look her sister Petunia always gave her. The look that showed a mixture of disappointment, hatred and sadness, and pained Lily to see it. Even after all these years, she was still could not get used to the way her sister now looked her, and Lily was not sure she could bear to begin to see on Severus face, every time she looked at him. Yet Lily knew it was inevitable; she could not hold her life back, because of Severus. She had done it to much in her life already, and if he was truly her friend he would understand, and be happy for her? But Lily knew that was not true. Ever since they had arrived at Hogwarts, she had felt Severus slipping away from her, week by week, year by year. She had tired everything to keep a relationship going with him, but sometimes it felt so one-sided. She had given up a lot, looked the other way and denied her feelings for so long just to please him, and he did nothing in return. Carrying on with Rosier, Lestrange and Malfoy, without a care for her feelings. Yet even still, Lily was not sure she could upset him like that. He was Severus Snape, her oldest friend and it broke her heart to even think about hurting him.

Though as her thoughts continued, something distracted her, a voice. Looking up, close to were she sat in the stands stood Lucius Malfoy. A strong feeling of dislike swept over her, as she eyes narrowed and she looked away. Though, just as her eyes panned away, took look out over towards Hagrids hut, something in his hand caught her eye. The note. Instantly, without thought, she grabbed it straight from his hands and stood up to look him straight in the eye. Green on grey, she looked, before she spoke in a tone of annoyance and disgust. “It’s none of your business Malfoy, now why don’t you run along, and find somewhere else you presence is unwanted..” And with that, she turn, enchanted the note once more and sent it on it’s way. Checking this time, it was out of Malfoy’s grasp, before she sat back down in the stands, completely ignoring Malfoy.

[lucius malfoy]

when lily grabbed the note from his hand, lucius just looked at her. like that would matter. lucius could remember everything it said. he wondered what she had done, that made her obliged to talk to severus? she did looked kind of guilty, but she wouldn't tell him. unless he used the right methods. he looked her directly in her eyes - her were green, his were grey. and felt an urge to do something extreme. but he didn't. his father had always taught him not to hit girls. he would use his wands when he needed to hurt her. she was a muggleborn after all. how good could she be?

lucius often felt ashamed by going to school with mudbloods and he hated how his favorite professor, professor slughorn favored her. he was the head of slytherin too, so lucius didn't understood how he could think she was a good student. it was obvious that lucius was kind of old-fashioned when it came to the whole gryffindor/slytherin battle, but that was simply how abraxas malfoy, his father had taught him to be. and it was pretty hard to change lucius' point of life now at the age of seventeen, right?

"you see evans.. it is my business if severus are friends with mudbloods. he is too weak to make you understand. so i'm making everything clear now. lucius said and his eyes flashed with lightnings. sadly, lucius knew that severus had feelings for this particular mudblood and lucius wondered why he wasn't feeling anything for bellatrix or even andromeda? she was okay too. at least a pureblood witch. "you want to learn the hard way or the simple way?" he asked with very much hatred in his voice and looked at her.